The emotional up and down’s feel so heavy at times.
The Decisions that need to be made.
The lack of control I have on the situation.
I need others to fall as desperately in love as I am.
But I am so weary from lack of sleep it all feels so overwhelming.
So at 3am in the morning, you will find me curled up on the couch crying with ugly sobs as the whole mess washes over me.
The fact that it isn’t my mess does come to mind.
What if i sat oblivious? Then I would be peacefully asleep in my warm bed.
But I can’t sit oblivious because my eyes have been opened to the hopelessness and I may not be his mumma by birth, I may not even be his mumma forever, but today I am his mumma and I not only need to work out how to get this child to start sleeping, I need to worry about who is going to love him.
Who is going to fight for him.
I am discouraged because it seems that no one.
But then I remember, he is just 1.
1 of 5000 kids in my state in the Foster Care system.
1 of 50000 kids in my country in the Foster Care System.
But He is safe. He is in my arms and he looks at me and he knows that I will fight.
Those big eyes are not worried. They are full of joy.
My heart might be in a 1000 pieces but his is held together in my hands.
Today I read about putting on the Armour of God in a new light.
You don’t need to put on Armour when you are safe, when you are oblivious to the battle around you. You put on Armour when you need to fight!
You put on God’s Armour when you need to make a stand against everything evil throws at you. When you go in to battle you take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued. “Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them…In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing battle. Pray hard and long.” (Ephesians 6:13-18 MSG).
Lord Jesus, clothe me with your Armour. Your shield of faith. You belt of truth. Help me to stay standing as my weary body and soul want to lie down and cry. Stand by my brothers and sisters who have said Yes to fighting this battle too. Fill them with your strength. For this evil is so complicated and none of us really know who we are fighting against but we hold close the ones we are fighting for.